Secrets of a Disturbed Redhead
by CatatonicVanity
Summary: Matt has secrets. Secrets even Mello doesn't know. When memories and nightmares begin to crop up, Matt realizes that he can't handle Mello knowing and he does what comes naturally: he flees.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is dedicated to Demon of the Moon (who requested this anonymously) and will be a two shot. I don't own the plot, the characters or Death Note. Enjoy!

* * *

Mello couldn't pinpoint when the change had happened.

Over the course of three or four days, Matt's naturally attractive looks (though Mello wouldn't admit to that) had become haggard. His cheeks paled significantly and at night, when he didn't wear his goggles, there were circles under his eyes that got darker every day. But when asked, Matt said nothing was wrong and that he couldn't shut his brain off at night. A normal enough occurrence, even if Mello didn't buy it.

Then he noticed that Matt wasn't sleeping at all when they were at the apartment. He recognized that behavior; Matt wasn't sleeping and was rarely eating, absorbed completely in his game. Mello deduced that it was nearing the anniversary of his parent's tragic demise and thought nothing of it; it was an annual thing.

They had an unspoken agreement not to speak of their pasts. Matt knew that Mello's parents had been victims of a random drive-by shooting. Mello knew that Matt's parents died in front of him; they'd been crossing the street and Matt had run ahead. He'd turned just in time to see his parents plowed down by a drunk driver.

Except, a week later, it hadn't changed. He wasn't better like he usually was; instead he seemed to be deteriorating. Mello bit his tongue, not wanting to pry into his friend's business. Their relationship was based around trust; if something needed to be said, they waited until they were ready to talk about it.

One day, Mello came from an excursion for chocolate and found Matt slumped on the couch, sleeping. He tiptoed through the room and slid the controller from his hands, saving and shutting off the game. Then he turned the TV off and retired to his room to read a book.

A pathetic series of sniffling and whimpering sounded through the apartment and Mello stiffened. He stood slowly and glided to the door, cracking it and peeking out. Matt had slumped down and was curled onto the couch, quaking lightly. Mello slipped out of the room and crept up to the couch, leaning down.

"Matt?" he asked, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. Matt seemed to flinch away from the touch and his face was contorted in an expression dreadfully similar to pain and fear. "Matt?" he asked a little louder, gripping Matt's shoulder this time.

A blood curdling scream shattered the air and Matt writhed away from the hand, crashing to the floor. Mello's eyes shot wide open and he leapt over the back of the couch, grabbing Matt's thin waist and dragging him up. Matt thrashed about until his eyes locked with Mello's, then he stared with wide eyes and whimpered a bit.

"Mello?" he asked in a pathetic voice. Mello sighed and slipped his arms around Matt's frame, grimacing at how thin he'd become.

"Matt, what's going on? Talk to me." Matt shook his head at the demand, shivering.

"Just a nightmare," he said softly, pulling away and wiping at his face. Mello set his lips in a hard line and glared at Matt, silently demanding an explanation. Matt leaned back and freed himself from Mello's arms. "It was just a nightmare. I've had trouble sleeping and it was a nightmare. I should stop playing so many violent video games, huh?" Mello's eyebrows shot into his hairline and Mello sighed. If Matt was resorting to blaming his games… Mello didn't want to think about what would disturb him so deeply.

"I can get you some pills that will help with that." Matt shook his head sharply.

"No. It's not that bad yet, and I don't want to do that unless I have to." Mello sighed and nodded in understanding while Matt stood and stumbled to the kitchen.

He decided then to give it another week. If Matt wasn't eating and sleeping by then, Mello would step in.

As it would happen, he didn't end up waiting that long.

Rod noticed that his money wasn't coming in the way it was supposed to and had several suspects in mind. Mello bugged each of them with tiny cameras and microphones and Matt kept the video up for hours before one made himself known.

Matt stiffened as he watched the screen, eyes going wide. Mello slid over and watched the feed for Snydar, taking one of the headphones and listening. The man was at some auction where teenage girls were being sold off and he was bidding on a perky brunette with a collar around her neck. She whimpered when Snydar's cold hands circled her wrists and he began to rip off the little clothing she had on.

Matt shuddered and stood, nudging the laptop to Mello.

"I'm gonna go to the apartment, see if I can catch some sleep," he said softly, not meeting Mello's eyes. The blonde immediately knew something was off with his friend, but he nodded nonetheless.

* * *

Matt ran to his beautiful car. He was too pale and his hands were shaking. Sweat was pouring down the back of his shirt in little rivulets and he had a hard time controlling the Chevelle as he tore back to the apartment. When he'd managed to get up the stairs and into the apartment, he strode through with long, fast steps. Everything he deemed absolutely necessary was shoved into a duffle bag.

The cell phone that only had one contact was pulled out and disassembled. Matt threw the screen and plastic casing out the window, but took the memory and battery cards and put them in the sink. He dumped Extra Virgin Olive Oil all over them and lit the sink with his lighter, disabling the smoke alarm. Then he watched the sink as the two hunks of plastic shriveled beyond recognition and fell apart. Baking soda was haphazardly sprinkled on the flames until they spluttered out.

Then the crying redhead (when had he started crying?) looked at the apartment he and Mello had called part-time home for three years. A part of him detached and sprawled across the couch like he would do any other time. But he shook his head and bolted down the stairs, afraid to write a note. But he couldn't stay, not when these memories and nightmares were cropping up and shaking him so desperately to the core. He couldn't stay around Mello without the inquisitive blonde finding out. And Mello couldn't know; nobody could. The burden was Matt's to bear and his alone.

And even as he floored it and drove away so fast that his stomach was somewhere on the road behind him, the hands that groped and pinned him remained, a reminder that they would never really be gone.

* * *

Mello sighed as Matt's phone went straight to voicemail for the third time. The idiotic redhead was probably fast asleep on the couch with his handheld game dangling from his fingers. It wouldn't surprise Mello, even though Matt had been gone for sixteen hours.

Oh well. Matt was probably crashed out and would be demanding greasy take-out food the moment he woke. With that in mind, Mello picked up some sweet and sour chicken for his friend on his way to the apartment.

But when he got there, Matt's car was gone.

Of course, this was no reason to panic. Matt had probably gone on a cigarette raid and would be back soon.

'_Then why doesn't the moron have his phone?' _a deep, suspicious part of Mello's subconscious grumbled as Mello tore up the stairs. He threw the door open, calling out for his friend. Then the bag in his hand dropped to the floor with a _thud_ as Mello saw the ransacked apartment and no sign of his beloved redhead.

Ice blood was running through his veins and he followed his nose to the burned mess in the sink. He gingerly picked up the piece of plastic remaining and was vaguely able to make out the name of the phone Matt had. Then he raced through the apartment to Matt's room, trying to ward off the rising panic. He looked for any clues as to who had his best friend, but froze when he noticed that Matt's laptop and DS were missing. Kidnappers wouldn't take things like that for him, so…

Matt left.

Mello snarled in key with the Ducati he mounted as he raced back to the base. He body was pushed forward, leaning over the handlebars and his helmet was firmly over his head, shielding the outside world from seeing the outraged tears tracking down his face.

Why would Matt leave? What could drive him to that? There was always the chance that he'd been kidnapped, but Mello's inner L told him that there was less than three percent chance of that. Matt had willingly left, and if he hadn't told Mello, he wasn't planning on coming back.

Mello swore then that when he found Matt (because he would find his Matt and drag him home again) he would find out what had plagued his friend and prevent him from ever leaving again.

He stormed into the base, fuming. For once, the emotions didn't show on his face but rage emanated from him in thick, contagious waves.

"Matt's gone," he barked to the room. Rod looked up.

"You mean the hacker?"

"I do." A lowly subordinate cursed, knowing how important the hacker was.

"What the fuck are we gonna do?" A _click_ echoed through the now silent room and that subordinate suddenly found himself at the end of a gun. At the other end was a coiled, blank-faced Mello.

"Thank you for volunteering. Find him!"

* * *

A/N: Review!


	2. Chapter 2

Here we are, part two! Enjoy!

* * *

Matt bit back tears as he slipped out of the building. That was too close. He'd been gone for a month and Mello's pets had made three attempts to find him, but they'd never pinpointed the building before. He was going to have to be more careful.

* * *

A low, feral snarl echoed through the room as yet another subordinate reported failure to find the precious redhead. Everyone in the room swallowed and held their breath, hoping the blonde's rage wasn't manifested into a physical action. Instead, Mello inhaled deeply through his nose and bit off a piece of chocolate, sucking the delicacy and staring off into space.

A few hours later, he and three of his smartest men (which included their replacement hacker) were in a black, nondescript SUV in route to the apartment they thought Matt had been staying in. Mello knew Matt had been there; he was too familiar with Matt's movements and habits to have been wrong.

He was proven right when he strode into the apartment and inhaled. The scent of cigarette smoke lingered in the air mixing with the citrus shampoo Matt always used. The men that had accompanied him looked at him as a smirk curled his lips and he nodded to himself.

"He was here."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't really help, does it? I mean, it just means we're a step behind him," one of the men said. Mello shook his head and sighed almost inaudibly.

"You don't know him. I grew up with him; I know his patterns and habits. He left two days ago. He'll be in a new apartment by now and I'm pretty sure I know where."

"Seriously? You can figure that out because you know him?"

"Shut it. This is Pasadena… my guess is he'll be in Arcadia. The area code is 318… 1998 will be important."

The hacker tapped in the numbers rapidly and scanned through the pages of information.

"Yo boss, number 98 on 19th street was rented just this morning."

"He's there. Let's go," Mello barked, inhaling one last time before marching from the apartment.

* * *

Matt curled over on the couch of his temporary house and held his head in his hands, tangling his fingers through the red strands and taking deep, slow breaths. The memories and nightmares were assaulting him again and were more ruthless than ever. As he shuddered and rocked back and forth, trying to block out the memories of his own screams, the lock was picked and the door was silently pushed open. A soft footstep alerted him to a presence in the room and Matt jerked around, gasping as a hand closed over his mouth. His arms were pulled into a hold behind his back.

"You shouldn't have left, Matt," a cold, familiar voice hissed from across the room. A damp rag was pressed over his mouth and nose and the redhead struggled reflexively, though he knew it was useless. Everything faded and he slumped over, unconscious.

* * *

Mello lounged in the backseat of the SUV with Matt beside him. He blinked and groaned, moving about until he felt the binds on his wrists. Then he froze and opened his eyes, gazing around him until he saw a familiar blonde glaring at him.

Fear coursed through the redhead's veins as he saw the furious expression on Mello's face, but a deeper look into his eyes revealed relief and… hurt?

Once they arrived at the base (after a very long and tense drive in which Mello analyzed every inch of Matt's face at least twice) Mello dragged Matt in by the elbow, glaring at him when he opened his mouth to protest. After he'd grabbed a pack of cigarettes infused with small doses of cocaine and marijuana, he dragged Matt to his bike, barking at the others that he needed to speak with Matt alone.

As Mello sliced through the bindings behind his back, Matt was painfully aware of the scared and pitying looks the thugs standing around gave him. He almost wanted to sneer and laugh at them, secure in the knowledge that Mello would never hurt him. But when Mello straddled the bike and glared at him so murderously, that confidence was wavered.

"Get on," the blonde commanded lowly, voice infused with rage and pain. Matt wrapped his arms around Mello's waist, holding his breath and closing his eyes. As the motorcycle roared to life under him, he realized that the memories that had been constant weren't there anymore.

He didn't want to think about what that meant.

* * *

Mello stomped up the stairs to the apartment, not checking to see if the redhead was following. In his mind and with every cell in his body, he was daring Matt to turn back or leave again. Matt was a lot of things, but he wasn't stupid.

When they reached the apartment, Mello turned and fisted his hand in Matt's collar, dragging the redhead back to his bedroom and throwing him on the bed, standing above him in a domineering position.

"Why did you leave?"

The words turned the air in the room to frost and Matt shuddered, averting his eyes. He gripped the sheets and scooted back on the bed, drawing his knees up to his chest.

"You wanted me to find you Matt. Otherwise you wouldn't have made it so damn obvious. Now," Mello snarled, moving onto the bed on his knees before Matt, "talk to me!"

"I just needed to get away for a while," Matt lied weakly, looking away again. Mello's fingers caught his chin in a harsh grip and forced his gaze up. A shock ran through both males at the contact.

"Bullshit. You're hiding something from me." As he said this, Mello seemed to lose all the fight in his body and he sank down on his feet. "Something is hurting you. Tell me."

Matt pried his chin free of Mello's grip and looked away. "No," he muttered to the silence.

Mello's anger and fear came back full-fledged; no, tenfold. He grabbed Matt's wrist and yanked it forward so the redhead's body unfolded and he ended up sprawled across the bed on his stomach. As he began to kick and struggle, Mello straddled his hips and caught Matt's legs with his own, twisting his ankles around them and locking them in place. He caught his friend's arms and held them down, forcing his weight down.

Mello noticed when the redhead stopped struggling and went limp. He hesitantly relaxed his legs and brought his face closer to Matt's, inhaling sharply when he saw tear tracks there.

"Mello," he whimpered pathetically. "Please let go Mello."

The blonde relaxed and released Matt's arms, stretching out and resting his weight atop Matt's body.

"C'mon Matty. Tell me what's going on. What was that nightmare about?"

Matt hesitated, tensing and burying his face in the sheets. "A-After my parents died… I was alone. I ran away from the orphanage they put me in." Mello nuzzled his face into Matt's hair, planting butterfly kisses along the back of his neck. Matt gasped and sighed deeply, realizing that Mello was rewarding him for talking. "Some guy grabbed me and put a cloth over my face. When I woke up, I-I was in a… a cage…"

A snarl erupted out of Mello's throat and he pressed his weight down on Matt a bit more. His arms snaked under Matt's torso, holding him a bit closer.

"I-It was a black market exchange… Some place in South America bought me. It was…" Matt hid his face and his shoulders shook for the first time. Mello slid off of Matt's body and rolled onto his side, pulling him close to his chest.

"What was it Matty?"

"A brothel," Matt choked, clutching Mello's shirt in his hands. Mello's blood ran cold and he growled, wrapping his arms around the frail redhead tightly before letting go and standing up, pulling his boots and jacket on. "M-Mello, where are you going?" Matt shrieked, lurching forward and stumbling after him.

"I'm gonna find them. I'll kill them all," the blonde growled in a bone-chilling voice. He grabbed the keys to his bike and grabbed the doorknob, only to have the back of his shirt grabbed by a crying bundle of redhead.

"No! No… Don't leave me alone Mello, please don't go!" Mello gasped and turned, looking at his friend. Matt dropped his knees and grabbed one of Mello's legs, nuzzling his face against Mello's hip. "Please… don't leave. I know I'm disgusting and worthless, but I'll be better, I promise!"

Mello couldn't find words to say. He looked down at Matt, who was staring up at him pleadingly with tears streaming down his face. So Mello did the only thing he could think of: he dropped to his knees before his friend and captured his lips in a fierce kiss.

When he finally conjured up the strength to pull himself away, he wiped the tears away from Matt's cheeks with the pads of his fingers. The sensitivity of the moment made him stifle his urge to laugh at how stunned the redhead looked at his actions. Matt lifted his fingers up and brushed them against his own lips for a moment before moving them to slide against Mello's. Mello grabbed Matt's thin wrist and kissed his fingertips one by one.

"Don't say that Matty. Never say that about yourself. You're beautiful and radiant and… I love you." The realization hit him like a tsunami. He loved Matt. He'd always loved Matt.

"Y-You…" Mello took a deep breath, preparing for rejection, so it came as a shock when Matt melded their lips together again. "I love you too Mello, I always have, God I love you so much," Matt babbled against Mello's mouth, clutching at his shirt and shoulders. Mello quieted him by kissing him again and pushing him to the ground, lying atop him.

Matt's hands quickly undid the buttons of Mello's jacket while his feet nudged at Mello's. They both sat up and began to tear at their boots, never breaking the passionate kiss. When both of their feet were bare, Mello struggled to his feet and gripped Matt's arms, picking him up and guiding him backwards to the bedroom again. As they went, shirts were tugged off and Matt's pants were somehow discarded and left in the hallways in a tangled mess. As he was pushed back onto the bed, he let his eyes greedily roam over Mello's toned body. But when the blonde dropped his jeans to the floor and crawled onto the bed, his eyes were squeezed shut and he whimpered, seeing someone else; he couldn't make out any features, only the dread coursing through him with the knowledge that he couldn't fight.

"Matty," a soft, reassuring voice cooed. He opened his eyes to see Mello on his hands and knees over him, a concerned look on his face. "Matty, it's me," the blonde murmured, lowering his body and pressing their bare chests together. "It's just me baby." Matt pressed his face against Mello's neck and began to nip at the flesh there, nodding absently. Mello moaned and held the back of Matt's head gingerly before pulling away and sitting up on his knees.

Matt bent his knees, shuddering at the exposed position he found himself in. He bit his lip and whimpered when Mello's hand delved into his bedside drawer, digging out a bottle of lotion and slathering three of his fingers in the substance. Matt's breath became shallow and ragged as he tensed, trying to force himself to keep his eyes open. Mello's lips met his in a soft, gentle kiss that contrasted the way two of his fingers pushed in without warning, but the unexpected tenderness kept him grounded and he was soon moaning, writhing and digging his heels into the mattress.

Mello added a third finger, moving down to the redhead's throat to kiss and nip the skin there. While he focused on preparing his lover, he kept the aching out of his lower body by biting and sucking a patch of flesh just above Matt's collarbone that began to bruise a deep purple before soothing the area with his tongue.

"Mello… Mello, now!" Matt whined in an animalistic manner, thrusting his hips up desperately. Mello hummed and pulled his fingers out, replacing them with something larger. As he positioned himself, he looked up at Matt anxiously. God, he hoped Matt wouldn't ask him to stop now because he didn't think he could, not at this point. Matt wrapped his arms and legs around the blonde, nodding and murmuring his name like a mantra. So Mello took a deep breath and pushed in slowly, groaning at the unbearably tight heat that was surrounding him. Matt's legs were tensed and shaking, pulling Mello deeper and making him pant at the effort not to pull back and fuck the redhead into the mattress.

Matt was gasping and panting, turning his head to the side to bite the pillow. Tears sprung into his eyes. A gentle hand pried his face upwards and he saw Mello above him. Sweat was beaded on the blonde's brow and his face was flushed a lovely hue of red. The hand that was gripping his chin moved up and covered his mouth. Matt's eyes widened and he felt panic beginning in the recesses of his mind.

"Breathe Matty. Take a deep breath through your nose." Matt closed his eyes and obeyed, fighting away the fear that was clawing at him. Then he opened his eyes and looked up at Mello, waiting for more instructions. "Good. Now, as you exhale, try to relax. Can you do that?" Matt nodded as he exhaled slowly, trying to force the tension out of his body. Mello removed his hand and tangled his fingers in Matt's hair again, tugging and stroking.

"Move Mello… please," Matt gasped, shifting his hips. A startled, sharp cry bounced off the ceiling and walls as something was brushed against softly and he looked up with wild eyes. Mello grinned wolfishly and pulled his hips back, rocking them forward again. He knew he'd hit his lover's sweet spot again when Matt moaned deeply, throwing his hand over his mouth and looking away. His eyes were slits and there was a deep blush staining his cheeks.

"No, no Matty," Mello panted, punctuating each word with another thrust, each harder than the last. He grabbed Matt's hand and threw it to the bed, pinning his wrist down. "I wanna hear you. Tell me how good I make you feel."

Matt threw his head back against the pillow and shrieked incoherent words as Mello attacked his prostate repeatedly, holding his hips and moving them in tandem. Mello's lips curved into a smirk at the sight of the writhing redhead beneath him.

"M-Mello!" Matt screamed, yanking his hands free and tangling them in his own hair, tugging furiously. "Mello…" he called again, dragging the name out and sending a spike of lust through the blonde's body. He reached down and grasped Matt's dripping cock firmly, making Matt's hips buck up wildly. Another beautiful cry was coaxed from his lips and he climaxed hard, convulsing and tightening.

Mello let his head fall back, going still as he came as well, vision bleeding white. As he started to come down from his high, he found Matt sprawled out under him. The redhead's chest was heaving and his eyes were hazy, almost unseeing.

"Mello," the redhead murmured almost drunkenly, opening his arms and wriggling his fingers weakly. Mello pulled out with a grimace and settled his body next to Matt's, molding his chest against Matt's back. The redhead sighed happily and sleepily.

"Matty, promise me something," Mello said suddenly, a wave of anxiety crashing over him. Matt hummed in acknowledgment and looked up blearily. "Promise me you won't leave again." A sad, almost guilty look came over Matt's face and he turned, nuzzling his chest into Mello's shoulder.

"Never. I promise, I won't leave you ever again." Mello smiled and relaxed, kissing Matt's hair.

"Thank you Matty," he whispered, but Matt was already sound asleep.

* * *

Lame ending, I know. And holy hell this ended up long. So, review!


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